I am back up to 273. I haven't started the new year out too well. I have to find a plan and get back at it. I have to get refocused. What is wrong with me? I can't let another year pass without making some serious changes in my diet & exercise.

Just a quick note to say that my BMI has gone done 3 points since I started this. I also want to add that when I started originally I weighed 290. When I started this journal I was 278. I am now down to 270. I want to be 268 by Christmas.

This is my Christmas Challenge:
Drink 64 oz. of H20 everyday
Eat at least 5 servings of fruits & vegetables a day
No sugar
Exercise at least 30 minutes a day
Be able to do 100 situps by Christmas!
Weigh 260 by Christmas!
Journal in this journal everyday!!!

I can do this!!!!!
If you pray... pray for me. Thx!

I just finished watching "The Biggest Loser"
I always feel so motivated after watching it. It lasts until my next hunger pang or temptation. What is it that'll make me want this bad enough? What will be the ultimate motivater? I was doing good. I've lost 20 lbs. Now I've stopped. Even gained back 2 lbs. because I was down to 268 before Thanksgiving. I have quit exercising all together and I was doing something everyday. I have slacked on my water. Slacked on eating fruits and veges. Where is my strength? Where is my will power? Where is my desire to be hot & healthy?

Drink 64 oz. of water

Walk on treadmill for 30 minutes

Stretch for 5 minutes

Do not eat in front of the TV

Journal

Stay under 2200 calories

Do not eat after 7pm

Log into Sparkpeople

Do not eat at computer desk

Around 12:30pm I walked 7 minutes on the treadmill at 3mph.
Around 5:00pm I walked 10 minutes on the treadmill at 3mph.
Around 7:00pm I walked 10 more minutes on the treadmill at 3mph

For a total of 27 minutes for the day!

Drink 64 oz. of water

Walk on treadmill for 30 minutes

Stretch for 5 minutes

Do not eat in front of the TV

Journal

Stay under 2200 calories

Do not eat after 7pm

Log into Sparkpeople

Do not eat at computer desk

FAST BREAK GOALS

Drink 8 8oz cups of water 1 time each day
Use 1 piece of fitness equipment 1 time each day
Write in a journal 1 time each day

NUTRITION GOALS

Consume at least 8 cups of water per day. 1 time each day
Consume between 50 and 207 grams of protein per day. 1 time each day
Consume between 45 and 92 grams of fat per day. 1 time each day
Consume between 227 and 385 grams of carbohydrates per day. 1 time each day
Consume between 2020 and 2370 calories per day 1 time each day

FITNESS GOALS

Burn at least 2280 calories a week by doing cardio exercises 7 times a week for 30 minutes a day 1 time each week
Do at least 6 strength training exercises 2 times each week

I'm going to start setting goals for myself each day. To help move me in the right direction. This was exactly what I needed to see, and thought I'd share it.

I just ate 2 peanut butter sandwiches. Before they even touched my lips I was at 1458 calories for the day. (and it was only noon.)

Why did I eat them?
Was I bored? Yeah, kinda.
Was I hungry? No... not at all.

Did I get up and make it myself, no... I had my daughter make them for me. When she asked, do you want one or two? I should've said NONE, but I said two.

I hate that decision. I'm mad at myself and wanna puke. What should I do about it? Go on the treadmill? Yeah, I should. But will I? I doubt it, I'll probably go take a nap because the sugar from the pb & j is making me feel lethargic. It's so sad. I'm such an addict.

* My BMI is 45.3.
* I should be here: Normal weight = 18.5-24.9

Some good tips:
If you normally:
Park as close as possible.
Let the dog out back.
Have lunch delivered.
Relax while the kids play.

Then try this instead:
Park further away.
Take the dog for a walk.
Walk to pick up lunch.
Get involved in their activity.

Where I'm at right now, if I exercise 30 minutes a day, to lose 2 lbs. a week I can eat around 1700 calories a day. Of course once I've lost weight that will go down. I can't find anything really accurate online that says how much fat, carbs, etc. But this is a starting place.

I weighed at the doctor's office yesterday and that scale said 131.3 kg. which is 289 lbs. That is 10 pounds heavier than my scale at home. So I'm adjusting my home scale to compensate and adjusting my starting weight to 289.

This is how I did yesterday. The food list was too long to fit in, but I'll list it below the picture. I did really bad as far as what & how much I consumed, but at least I kept track and posted it. It makes me feel that at least I'm being really and facing things.

As you can see, I'm way over what I'm supposed to be. Even though I don't know yet exactly what that is suppose to be.

Here is what I ate yesterday:
Large bowl (approx. 2 cups) of Malt O Meal "Dynobites" cereal with about 1 cup skim milk for breakfast.

For lunch we ate at Arby's.
I had an Arby's Melt, Curly fries, (med) Sugar Free Lemonade, and 2 of my husband's mozarella sticks.

We also stopped at McDonald's for a mid day snack of a hot fudge sundae with extra fudge.

For dinner, I had two cups of mac N cheese and two frankfurters.

Also for a snack yesterday I had 3 peanut butter & jelly sandwiches & some tortilla chips.

I can't believe how much I ate.

When I type it out it's so embarrassing and depressing. WTF is wrong with me???

Well I haven't been keeping track of my food. BAD
I haven't been going on the treadmill. BAD
I did go for two long walks outside the last two days, and went shopping yesterday which involved a lot of walking. GOOD
I have to give myself any little bit of credit I can. I also need to get my ass serious about this. As serious as I was the day I started this damn journal. I know I can do this. My daughter & I were watching TV yesterday and a Nutrisystem commercial came on. She asked me why I didn't join that? Of course my fat ass took offense and said, "Why? You don't like me the way I am?" (stupid question Mom, way to lay a guilt trip on your kid!) She said, well of course I do Mom, you wear your chub well. (Out of the mouth of a nine year old) Guess she told me!

I am using this program to track my caloric intake/fat intake.http://fitday.com/WebFit/Index.html
At the end of each day I will post a screen print of my totals for the day. You can go here and look at it.http://www.geocities.com/sexyswan_2006/fitday1.jpg (I tried posting the pic in my LJ but it wouldn't work right, so until I can afford to get a paid account, I will just post links to it.)

*One of my goals for today is to find out what is the ideal amount of calories/fat/carbs for me to lose weight in a healthy way.

278

Since this is my first weigh in, I should add that I am 5 foot 7 inches tall and I have a large frame. Even when I was thin I wore bigger rings and had bigger feet. My ideal weight for my frame & height is 143-163. According to this chart: http://www.healthchecksystems.com/heightweightchart.htm

Well I'm not really sure where to start. I know that I started out really good this summer. I had major surgery in April and realized that was probably the reason I had been having such a hard time losing weight. So I started eating better and exercising some, (not regularly though) and I was losing weight. I lost about 25 lbs. after my surgery. I was starting to get into jeans I hadn't worn in over two years. I was feeling great.

I got laid off work and I've been home the last 3 weeks doing nothing but playing Snood, Sims, and posting on message boards. Of course I sit and eat the whole time I'm on the computer. So I've gained weight. I'm not sure how much but enough that not only am have I grown right back out of those jeans I was so proud of fitting into, but yesterday I was getting ready for a movie and my 'fat day' jeans were too tight. Ouch! What a kick in the big ole fat ass!

Even though I'm not 100% where to start, I have to start! I will start by doing my first weigh in today. I will continue to use the same scale so my results will be consistent. I don't have any food plan in mind per say. I'm just going to try to start moving, exercising, stretching, and eating healthier. I need to start making better choices. I'm also going to start logging all my food intake and exercise in my journal. You hear dietitians say repeatedly to track what you're eating because most of us that are overweight eat so subconsciously that we don't even realize how much we're eating.

I guess I've decided where and how I'm going to start, and then I can add things as I go. I have picked my first pair of 'goal' jeans. I do not have a digital camera at the moment. I will borrow one for now and take my first before picture. I also have to get a seamstress measuring tape so I can take all my official measurements. I'll try to get one of those today.

I also should add since I'm beginning this journey, that I am not walking it alone. I believe in God, Guardian Angels, and the power of prayer and the *mind*spirit*body* connection. I believe this will be as much of an emotional and psychological battle as it will be physical. My mind will be the determining factor. I know I have the power to mentally defeat myself before I even get started. Which is another reason I'm hoping this outlet of expression will help me.

That's it for now, and I'm off to do my first official weigh in and start my food log for today. Wish me luck!